Exhausted Physically and Emotionally

Some days are better than others, but today is just one of those days where I have no energy to even bring the cup of coffee close to my mouth.  What a week it has been already.  On Tuesday evening when I arrived home from work, my son was in tears.  His 10-year-old friend, Shailyn, had sadly passed away from a heart attack.  So young and he hasn’t even experienced the most exciting parts of life, like going to his matric dance, having his first girlfriend, getting married, hold his own child in his arms one day and so much more.  My heart was absolutely broken just at the thought of this.  Shaylin was an only child.  How distraught must that mother and father be.  How do you continue with everything when it has just felt as if your life has fallen apart.  I wish that there was more that I can do or something that I could say that would comfort them during this sad time, but unfortunately nothing that anybody says can make a difference during times such as this.  I suppose the only thing that we are able to do right now is pray that God carries and strengthens them now.

Yesterday on the other hand was another long day at the hospital, taking my daughter to the psychiatrist and the psychologist.  Oh my word!  It is so frustrating sitting like this at the Hospitals.  Government/State owned hospitals are an absolute nightmare in South Africa.  There seems to be absolutely no order and I don’t think they really care on whether or not you sit there the whole day or not.  Besides that, it is filthy  and then I won’t even mention the stench.  Yesterday I had an elderly black man sitting next to me, but the male nurse really almost lets the person sit on your lap, so that everyone can fit on this tiny little bench.  Anyway this elderly man kept on wanting to talk to me, but I just couldn’t.  All his teeth in his mouth were rotten and some were missing.  When I say rotten, I mean black and gold broken little pieces that is left inside.

I felt sorry for him, but at the same time I couldn’t handle that smell at all.  On the other side of me there was a widow that shared her story with me.  My heart broke for her.  She was probably in her late fifty’s and for someone at that age to say:  “I should have listened to my parents”, says a lot.  Amazing how every single one of us has a story to tell.  We tend to sit and think that not everyone has it as bad as me, but then there are people who have it a lot worse.  Needless to say the day progressed and we eventually managed to see the psychiatrist. 

The Doc said that my daughter has a borderline personality disorder and have now again changed all her medication.  Impressive!  Because this is what all the Pastors were saying about my daughter and their reasoning is that it is caused by the Spirit of Jezabel.  Finally I have been to see two very different people and their stories basically coincided with one another.  The only difference is that the psychiatrist will reckon that it is a chemical imbalance, where the pastor will tell you it’s spiritual.  My husband on the other side will agree with the psychiatrist, because his belief just doesn’t seem to be where it should be.

It is absolutely tiring having to deal with this.  I’m rather stressed out about the medication that my daughter is on now.  Ten minutes after I had given it to her, she was out for a count.  Fast asleep, woke up very lethargic and went back to sleep soon afterwards.  Of course I worked in a little snooze there as well, but when I woke up, all hell had broken loose again.  My two younger children (boy and girl) thinks that it is acceptable to play “hitting” and “kicking” games.  And of course, they will do this whilst I am on the phone.

With all the ducking and diving, my daughter got punched square on the eye.  Slight little cut, but she is also moaning about the actual eye socket being sore.  Dad obviously let our son have it.  Unfortunately if it is left now and he doesn’t get reprimanded for it, he will one day think that it’s acceptable to hit his wife.  At about 11h30 last night I was still awake and heard running down the passage.  When I got up to look, it was my son, vomiting for absolutely no reason.

So of course with everything that has been happening, my sleep was so limited.  This morning, my poor dog was vomiting!  And I do not have stomach for things like that.  I tried my utmost best to control myself, but when the other dog joined in licking it all up, that was it for me! 

Tonight another busy night doing things around, because tomorrow evening we are getting visitors.

Being a mom is a full-time job on its own and right now I am trying to juggle two!


Please give me strength!




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