I haven’t written in a while because I haven’t been myself this last two weeks, but today I am feeling much better. I sort of finally feel like there is light at the end of this dark tunnel that we have been in as a family and the feeling is super awesome. All the troubles and difficulty that we have endured can be rectified and only by God. In all honesty, there have been times for about the last 6 years that I have had my doubts about whether or not there even was a God and like many other the question was always: “If there is a God, then why is my life hell and why am I going through such a difficult time, struggling to find my feet all the time.” I can’t recall how many times I simply sat there crying and felt like I was on the verge of giving up.
Literally everything in our lives were going wrong like our relationship with our children, our marriage, our financial situation, etc. There have been many times that we didn’t even have food on the table or petrol in our car for that matter. The more things started going wrong, the worse the relationships within the family went. We had started blaming each other for our circumstances and nobody was supporting each other in all aspects. We had all become so self-absorbed and selfish. There was a constant negative atmosphere and on more than one occasion I felt that I could just pack my bags and leave. I couldn’t handle the arguments anymore and I couldn’t handle the fact that everybody was expecting more of me than what I was capable of giving. It had broken my heart realizing that my relationship with my children had deteriorated so much that we couldn’t really even have a normal conversation anymore. At the same time I was the one sitting there feeling so helpless and guilty at the same time.
As per my previous blog posts, you will note that I have emphasized a lot of what I was enduring with my eldest daughter whom we were experiencing hell with for well over a year now. The entire situation with her was starting to take up a lot of our time and energy. The more we were struggling with that, the worse our relationship had become with her, especially between her and her dad. Even though I had become so enraged with her at times, I was still the one trying to keep the peace between my husband and her. The entire time something felt as if this wasn’t right what we were going through and that there were more to it than what we were realizing. I just couldn’t put my finger on the actual problem until just recently and looking back on it, all the signs were there. I simply couldn’t see it.
The person that I saw standing in front of me, wasn’t my daughter. Every time someone said something about the situation with her, I would tell them: “This isn’t Kaede.” Kaede isn’t a bad person and she actually has such a soft and kind heart. Every time that she did something or ran away from home, I would ask her: “How can you say you love me, but continuously hurt me like this?” I want to tell you all about some of the signs that were visible to us and then I would like to know what your thoughts are.
- Round about May / June last year my daughter started cutting herself. It didn’t matter whether it was on the wrists, arms or legs. Some of the cuts with rather deep and was leaving horrible scars. When I came to know about it, I moaned at her and told her that it was completely unacceptable. Even though she had promised to stop, she didn’t and told me that she couldn’t. On several occasions I had been phoned by the school whom told me to come and fetch her, because she had lost it at school and started cutting.
- July / August last year I got in touch with a private psychologist to try to get her the help that she needed. The unfortunate things was that the psychologist couldn’t tell me anything about her discussion with my daughter. During this period she continued with the cutting and all ran away from home. She has become pale, lifeless and extremely angry and violent. Eventually she was admitted to Hospital as a suicide risk and released two days later with the result that there was nothing wrong with her except for some depression. She had simply manipulated everybody in the Hospital and had befriended them. When we were home, she had told me that she had been seeing things and hearing voices.
- September I had a little bit of a breakdown and told my husband that if we didn’t do anything and do it soon, we were going to lose her. We would get home one day and find her body. He had then come to know of a Zulu lady that can assist through prayer. We took her there and one of the things consisted of her having an ice-cold blessed water wash. During the time that they were doing this, I saw the look in my daughter’s eyes and she had turned her neck all the way around to look at me. After the wash, they started with the prayers. I sat there watching Kaede and seeing the look in her eyes and how she was trying to get away. She suddenly calmed down and I almost fell to my knees with an extremely heavy weight on my shoulders. Immediately these ladies started praying for me and I too had to get washed afterwards as well as my husband. Afterwards my daughter spoke openly with me and told me all the secrets that I hadn’t known.
- It was in September that I sent her to go and stay with my parents, as I knew the people that she were involved with at that point, was a direct threat on her and our family. During the time that was away more stories surfaced, but the cutting had also continued from time to time.
- She returned home in December, just before Christmas, and was looking good. Happy to see us all and full of promise on how she was going to better herself. I had given her the option to change schools and she insisted that she wanted to go back to the same school, as she couldn’t run away from her past. The entire holiday went really smooth without many problems besides the minor attitude here and there.
- End February/March this year we had started experiencing difficulties again, being called in because Kaede wasn’t doing her school work and so forth. It was difficult as we were again having a repeat of last year. Her books were opened by the teacher and in the books there was absolutely nothing. I was so disappointed. In one of the books I noticed blood writing in the back of the book. I of course confronted her about the book and she told me that she had done a sole tie with another girl in her school. It was later that I found out that the girl she had done it with was born from a women that was HIV positive and that her father was also HIV positive. I immediately took my daughter for test and by the grace of God, the test came back negative.
- In April she had been place in isolation in the school, thus unable to enjoy breaks like the other children. When I demanded answers as to why she was placed in isolation, the teacher told me that the father of the girl that she had done the sole tie with was at the school and told them to keep my daughter away from his, due to the fact that my daughter was a Satanist. I was so upset because I didn’t know why this guy would go around saying things like that. Of course because of the seriousness of the matter, I took my daughter out of school and got her into a tutor centre at a church for Home schooled children. During this time she had become involved with a boy knows as Thomas, whom was/were directly involved with Satanism.
- Towards the middle of June, she had started sneaking out of the house in the early hours of the morning. During this time she would get onto bikes with no helmets, go to the beach and became intimate with two other boys. Thomas was extremely upset when she confessed her sin’s to him, but decided that he would remain with her regardless, because of his feelings towards her. I needed help and assistance and was therefore introduced to Pastor Nathan. His whole approach to the situation made me feel uneasy, as if he wasn’t telling me the truth at all times. Towards the end of June, Kaede ran away from home again (3rd time). This time I found her relatively quickly, but was so angry that I ended up going to the police with the matter. As we were in the Captain’s office, he told me that whatever was going on with Kaede is spiritual.
- In July Pastor Nathan arranged for a meeting with the social worker. After we had met with us and my daughter, she told us that Kaede should stay with us and then she feels Kaede should come off the antidepressants. Again our efforts to secure my daughter’s safety, was to no avail. The entire time Pastor Nathan was talking in circles and one evening told me that Kaede had been drinking her own blood. I thought that was a load of rubbish. How could someone say that? In the end, I cut my ties with Pastor Nathan and requested that he please leave our family alone.
- In August my daughter again ran away from home, this time with an eleven year old girl. During the search and speaking to the police, my husband had contacted Pastor Nathan. When he pitched up there he told the police that my daughter is satanic and that this eleven year old girl’s life was in danger. I again got extremely upset, because you can’t go around making accusations like that. Late that evening we had found both the girls safe and unharmed. When I questioned my daughter about the incident, she told me only what she felt I should hear and not the entire truth. I however knew that it wasn’t the full truth. There were just too many things that wasn’t adding up. I had finally reached a cross-road and wasn’t too sure in which direction to turn. In the end, I had decided to turn to a friend that was a clairvoyant, whom told me that Kaede was involved with the cult.
- Last week Thursday I was sitting talking to a friend and she (out of the blue) told me that she had also been involved with Satanism when she was younger. I was a little bit upset by it all and told her that I don’t at all agree with things like that. I walked off to the bathroom and whilst I was sitting there, it bothered me, so I went back and asked her if she thought my daughter could be involved with things like that. Her answer was yes. I then asked her, why she thought that it was like that and she said that it was because of my daughter’s eyes and the way that she spoke to me and my husband. She told me that there was a book that I should read: “He came to set the captives free.” That evening I searched high and low for this book on the internet, but couldn’t find it. The more I was reading up about all of this, the more questions I had for my daughter. That evening my daughter confirmed that she had still been seeing things. She couldn’t see the faces, but she knew they were there. I demanded whichever spirit this is provide me with a name, at that point it felt as if something touched me. My daughter did not know how to pronounce the name, but wrote it on a piece of paper. “Arvaughn.” This was confirmation to me that I was dealing with somethings that I had no knowledge about.
- Last week Friday, I received a call from my daughter’s teacher informing me that he had heard from some of the other children in the school that my daughter was planning on running away from home again. This time is was apparently with a man who had gotten a transfer with work. He also said that my daughter was wanting a baby and that he is very concerned by this, as he feels that my daughter’s problem is spiritual and that she wanted this baby for sacrifice. The horror that went through my mind at that point was something out of this world. I then arranged a meeting with the Pastor and another gentlemen from the church for this past Sunday.
During the Church service people were invited up onto the stage that needed prayer, so I decided to go up. When I looked back, my daughter was behind me and also going to the front for prayer. I was shocked and relieved at the same time. They started praying for people on the far left and moved their way to us that was standing on the far left. They prayers were short, but covered everything. Two people during the prayers, one in front of you and one standing behind you. When they touched my daughter, I hear several voices and peaked to the side, seeing all the people around her. The energy was unbelievable and the prayer even more so. The prayer lasted longer than the others and they were saying that the Demon should leave this child, the Demon has no authority over this child and so forth. I couldn’t believe it and was really amazed. God is truly a great God and He knows our struggles. She had taken the first step towards our Lord Jesus.
After the services was concluded we were called into the prayer room with the youth pastor and the other gentlemen. Whilst we were standing there, he asked my daughter questions and told me that my daughter did not have control over her own mind and body, due to the presence of the Jessabelle spirit. All that she had done was not her own doing, but the doing of this evil spirit. He had asked me about my husband’s faith and even though I kept it minimal, he already knew. See years back my husband was highly involved with spiritualism, doing psychic readings for people and so forth. He also sensed a lot of turmoil within me, which he was pretty accurate with. Regardless, they prayed for me and my daughter again. They want to see my husband as well and close any doors that he might have opened in the past with what he had done.
I walked out of the Church yesterday feeling renewed and so much more relaxed. Even my daughter had seemed a lot calmer that was she has been. Praise goes to our Lord and Saviour. Finally this is the light that I had been searching for. God is the only one that can help us through our time of need, God is the only one that can and will protect us. I thank the Lord for this amazing experience. I am not perfect, but I want to live my life for God only. I want so desperately want my husband and my children to see the Lord like I do and for them to believe as much as what I believe. It feels like things are going to come to a point now and I pray and believe that I am right. There is a reason for everything happening and this could have happened so that we can get closer to the Lord.