Emotional Wreck Part 2 – Am I a bad parent?

Emotional Wreck

And so the story continues…….

My daughter came to my work after school on Friday and asked me if she could use my phone for a short while to talk to her boyfriend.  I had forgotten that I had received a message from her teacher earlier in the day informing me of my daughter’s plans to run away from home and thus I did not have the opportunity to delete the message either.

I guess we can all see where this is going.  She saw the message!  But besides that, this little Jessabelle also read my messages with my husband.  Who gave her a right to do that and why is she doing that?  The drive home was okay, but when we left she proceeded to tell me that she has absolutely no intention of running away from home and that the people who are saying these things are sucking it out of their thumbs.  She actually had me convinced that this story was twisted and that she was actually not going to run away.

On Friday evening, the children asked me if they could go to youth and so I took them.  They all seemed very happy and content.  For a change all of them were getting on pretty well.  On Saturday morning, my son had a soccer match on at the school and the girls and my younger daughter’s eleven year old friend wanted to go with and support him.  My husband dropped them off at school and came back home to change because it was pouring down with rain.  He hadn’t been at home long and went back to the school, upon which he couldn’t find my eldest daughter and the eleven year old friend.  He searched for about an hour, before returning home to ask me for assistance.

I got dressed and off we went.  We really drove all over town, thinking that they might be messing around with some other friends.  Eventually the school sport was finished and we had still not found them.  I returned home in the hopes that they might have taken a walk home, but to no avail.  I was trying to plan my next move, when I received a message from the eleven year old’s brother, asking me if his sister was still with me, as he had just received a message stating that Kaede and his sister is getting on a train and that they are heading for Gauteng.  I immediately drove down to the train station (almost 13h00 already at the time), but the ticket office advised that the girls had left on the train at 10h45.  My nerves were shattered and knowing that I would never be able to find them in the big city, I went straight to the Police asking for their assistance.

They were obviously not very helpful at all.  This could have been expected, because it is South Africa that we are talking about.  I drove to the next two town, checking at the train stations in the hopes that they had gotten off somewhere.  I stopped busses checking if the children was in the busses.  During all of this, I kept on hoping and praying that they were safe.  I also had to deal with the fact that I had to tell another mother who’s child was in my care, that your child is gone.  How do you do something like that?  How do you continue living if something happened to them.

I know that the main stop before the train leaves for Gauteng is in Durban and I wasn’t prepared to go to Durban by myself because it is too dangerous.  On every street corner there are people selling drugs, there is prostitution and there have been several cases of young girls being taken, drugged up and then put on the streets.  I went home and asked my husband to go with me.  We stopped at the Durban train station just before six and started looking around.  I hadn’t been there long before I received a message from the eleven year old’s mother telling me that they had found the kids and that they were at the Durban police station.  We drove straight there, still extremely nervous and wondering if the children was okay.  When we got there, we had found that the kids were at a different police station, but a very helpful lady said that she would arrange for the children to be brought there instead of us going that police station as the area is extremely bad.

We had waited a while…  All the emotions and anger was really getting to me during all of this.  I can’t believe that she had done it again, especially after she had told me on Friday that she had no intention of leaving.  I can’t seem to wrap my head around the fact that someone can tell you that they love you so much and then proceed to hurt you over and over again.  Due to the fact that we knew the dangers in Durban, my sister-in-law asked the Organization called Pink Ladies for assistance.  They place adverts on their Facebook page and most probably have connections all over South Africa.  They were however advised that the children had been found and then when this is confirmed, the advert is amended to show that the child has been found.  Personal details as to where is not shared with the public.

Sunday I was extremely tired and still very emotional.  I didn’t really want to talk to anybody.  On Sunday evening my friend had sent me a message telling me that there are very nasty comments on Facebook about us as parents and that she hopes that I don’t mind the fact that she put them in their place, because they can’t go around judging people when they in fact know nothing about anything.  “So you have an ill daughter and you have tried everything you can possibly try, does that make you a bad parent?”  You are constantly wanting to communicate with your daughter and every time she says that she doesn’t feel like talking, does that make you a bad parent?  You will do absolutely anything for your child, does that make you a bad parent?  You have taught your child not to tell lies and to respect other, yet they do it regardless of your teachings, does that make you a bad parent?

Because you so deeply love your child and want to protect them from any harm, they feel that they have the right to hurt and betray you so much!

In my life, I have never felt as empty and unloved as what I do today.  What more can one parent do?  All these negative comments on Facebook from people who live in the same town as us!  We are scarred for a very long time.  How do you recover from something like this?  Everybody is always so quick to judge the parents, but what blame or consequence is there for the child?

It is extremely frustrating being in the position.  And what makes this situation even worse is the fact that she has two younger siblings that are always affected by this and their relationship is being affected in so many ways.  There is no more respect left.  How will they ever rebuild this broken bond?  I ask myself every time, can this get any worse?  Yes, it can definitely.

What happens if the next time she does this, she get raped, kidnapped or murdered?  I suffer with high blood pressure and there is a history of heart disease and strokes in our family.  What if her next actions affect my health badly and I have to end up in a wheelchair for the rest of my life?  What happens if she is taken away from us and put in a place of safety?  And if she doesn’t do this again and something happens to me or my husband, how will that guilt eat her alive?   She will be alone, because her brother and sister have already withdrawn from her.

There is so many questions and my mind is running 100 km/hour.  My child is deliberately placing her life in danger and emotionally damaging her family that loves and cares for her, despite what she believes.

Things will have to change and it would appear as though I have decisions to make.


2 thoughts on “Emotional Wreck Part 2 – Am I a bad parent?

  1. Top Knots & Sweatpants says:

    My thoughts are with you during this difficult time! While I wasn’t quite this extreme, I too was a bit rebellious during my tween years. Now being a mother, I can’t imagine how I treated my mother and sisters the way I did.

    It gets better. She will mature and grow from all of this. I don’t know the back story or the history with your daughter (I just recently began following your wonderful blog), but don’t ever give up on her. She will thank you for it later and learn from how strong of a woman you are.

    As for everyone making comments on Facebook, just ignore it. I can only imagine how hard it is to hear those things. Everyone has an opinion until it’s them in the situation.

    Sending many hugs your way.


    Liked by 1 person

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