My Experience with God

godA couple of years ago I had lost all my faith in God, even though I still continued to state that there is a God.  I suppose in my mind I just thought that He didn’t care enough about me, because if He did, I wouldn’t be going through all the things that I had been going through. 

Well it started off with my daughter giving us major hassles and things were awfully tense in the house for about a week and a half.  The Thursday my husband was ill at home and when I got home from work, he seemed to be extremely stressed.  As the evening progressed, it got worse and eventually he started talking and talking louder and everyone had their turn to sit and face the music.  I realized that he needed to vent and so I didn’t interfere too much with anything. 

The last one called was my eldest daughter.  He told her that she will abide by our rules and regulations and she is still our responsibility, therefore she doesn’t have much of a choice.  He continued by saying that she has ten months to get her act together as she will be 16 the following year April.  If by then she hasn’t done anything to improve her life, she is more than welcome to get a work, move out and fend for herself.

After their conversation, she went to her room and I popped in to see her sitting next to the bed writing.  I asked if she was okay and she said yes.  I proceeded to tell her that I love her very much and that I couldn’t lose her, so she really needs to try a little harder this time.  She told me that she would.  It felt as if everything was in the open now and that we could move on and start a fresh.

The following morning, I came to work as usual.  Hubby brought me some breakfast and we were sitting eating together in the boardroom.  After I had finished, I went to the kitchen and at that point I heard his phone ring.  All I could hear was him asking:  “So, is she gone now?”  My heart dropped and I ran to him to find out what was going on.  Our daughter had decided to pack her bags and she’s left.  I was hurt and angry all at the same time.  Like any normal person, I had immediately put the blame on my husband, which was so wrong.

He left and returned a short while later.  This was the 3rd time that she has done this to us.  We went home and as I entered her room, I found a blue file addressed to the family in which she told us that she is leaving because she feels like she doesn’t belong with us.  I sent her messages which she only answered saying that she loves me.

Her previous boyfriend at the time phoned me shortly afterwards saying that he has a location for me and that I would have to go immediately as she is leaving there now.  I jumped into the car and sped off not telling anyone where I was going.  When I reached the said location she had already left and so I decided to take a drive to the caravan park and turn there.  As I got to the gates, I was relatively positive that I had seen her, but then she disappeared.  I got out of the car so that I can take a walk in the park, but the security guards refused me access without completing a whole lot of documents which I didn’t have time for.

The security guards said that he would go and have a look and see if he could find her.  It was a split second, he came back and asked me to have a look and see if this was my daughter coming out now.  As I went around the corner, I saw that it was her.  She was looking down typing on her phone, so I ran towards her and grabbed her.  Dragging her back to the car was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life, as she just screamed and told me that she didn’t want to go with me.

I was broken.  How could one child hate their parents that much to do this to them time and time again.  I took her straight to the police station and I begged the Captain to do something, because I didn’t know what to do anymore.  Needless to say, we left there about an hour later and still had no way out of this total disaster.  He firmly believed that her behaviour was spiritual.  As I walked into the house, I hear my phone ring.  It was an elderly lady whom I hadn’t spoken to for over two years.  She used to be our neighbour.  She told me that she has been going to this Church and the Pastor at this church was absolutely wonderful.  She has seen crippled people, walk again.  I was still in such a state from everything that happened, that I didn’t think much of it, but she told me to be at her house at 07h00 on the Sunday morning. 

We live about an hour away from where she stays.  The Sunday morning at about five I got up and got my two daughters ready.  We left home whilst it was still dark.  When we got to this ladies house, everything seemed so closed up, as if they were still sleeping.  I stood by the little gate in the front calling and calling.  Eventually she came out in her pyjamas and gown.  She seemed surprised to see me and confused as to why I was there, but invited us in for tea regardless.

Whilst we were having tea, I brought up this Pastor that she was talking about on Friday and told her how strange it was that she phoned at that exact moment.  She called her sister and told her sister to take me to the Pastor immediately. 

We got to stunning huge house in Durban.  As I walked past the garages, I saw three beautiful shining cars parked in there.  Up the stairs and I walk into this big room with smartly dressed people everywhere.  They came up and greeted me and my two girls before we went to sit down.  I wasn’t planning on going to church and neither was I dressed for it.

Praise and worship felt intense and all I wanted to do was burst into tears.  After everyone had taken their seats this Pastor walks past to start with the service.  As he gets to the podium, he turns around and walks back to me and asks me what my name is.  As I said, I am Cindy, he says to me:  “God has heard your prayers for your children and he sees your pain.  I burst into tears and knew at that point that my faith was restored.

How amazing, God brought me here for me to receive this message.  During the service he paused, looked at my daughter and said to her God has your number and you are going to come right.  Wow!  This man doesn’t know us at all, but God does.

If ever I didn’t believe before, I do now.

After the service he prayed for me and I remember him saying:  “God is strong when you are weak.”

It sometimes takes hitting rock bottom for us to find our way back again and now I know that God will not give me anything that I can’t handle.

My advice to all of you today is to find God again.  Go on your knees and pray.

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