Natural Death compared to Suicide

HeavenOn the 25th of January 2010 I received the dreaded news that my sister, Colleen, had passed away.  At that point I did not know the circumstances surrounding her death, but I knew that it felt as though my entire world came crumbling down on me.  I immediately got into my car and travelled the longest two hours to get to the rest of the family.  The look in my mom’s eyes was something that I would never want to witness again.  I had to be strong, even though it was killing me inside. 

That morning my sister went into their granny flat and hung herself.  Her son, Anthony, was the one that found her and took her down in the hopes to resuscitate her and save her life.  Unfortunately it was too late.  It was so unexpected and how do you deal with such a loss.  She was an absolutely amazing person and in my lifetime I don’t think that I would ever meet anyone like her again.  Her beauty reflected just as much in the outside as what it did on the outside.  Soft and gentle in every aspect.

She had been the type of person that would never get into arguments with people, nor would she complain about certain circumstances that she had to endure or moan about life getting her down.  Even though her and her husband was running a successful security company, she would have still been satisfied with having nothing. 

On that day I was thinking about her children that was left behind, the youngest one just starting grade 12.  She would never have the opportunity to meet her grandchildren or watch her only daughter walk down the aisle in a beautiful white wedding dress.  There was so much that she gave up on and nobody would ever be able to replace her.

It’s during such an ordeal that you realize how much better you come to terms with a natural death.  It has taken so many years and yet you still have questions.  If’s and but’s, yet there is absolutely nothing that you can do about it.  All you can do is trust in God and believe that he will be the one carrying you through this, even though it wasn’t easy to have faith under these circumstances.

In 2012 Colleen’s first granddaughter was born.  Janique, a beautiful baby girl.  Her mommy tells her all the time about her grandmother and about what a lovely person she was.  In 2013 Colleen’s eldest son and his girlfriend also had a little girl called Inke.  I look at these two beauties and I can only imagine how they would have been spoiled by their granny.  In 2015 her first grandson was born, Lincoln Kyle Roets.

All these little ones have crawled so deep into my heart. 

In memory of my sister, I will make sure that these grandchildren are loved always and that they will know just how much their grandmother meant to our family and what a super amazing person she was.

Today I still struggle to come to terms with everything that happened, but I have to believe that she is in a much better place and that she is still with us all.  One day we will see each other again and every question that we once had, will fade away.  For now all we can do is live the life that we had been given and remember those who have passed away and no longer walk this earth.

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